The words trust and vulnerability are raised frequently in therapy. Often times, I ask my clients to “trust themselves” or “allow yourself to be vulnerable” in their personal and work relationships. Trust helps to create connection and closeness to others, builds relationships, and helps in decision making. More importantly, it is the cornerstone for the most important relationship…the one you have with yourself.
Increasing self-trust and vulnerability can be created over time. In the therapeutic relationship, practicing ways to be decisive, building on your personal strengths, reducing negative self-talk and creating social situations where you feel comfortable are all interventions to build trust in yourself and feel more self-confident. Although this concept can be difficult for adults to grasp and practice, adults typically have the ability to reflect, identify feelings, and acknowledge the areas where they need to continue to improve upon.
Generally, teens are not known for their stellar communication skills. The go-to response in a conversation is usually things are “ok” or “fine.” Underneath that response are teens that are worried about sharing too much or are not aware of their inner feelings to know how to respond. And yet, we say to our teens, “You need to trust yourself, you are getting older.” Below are some tips that therapists, school faculty and parents can use to help your teen trust in themselves.
· Be the role-model: when having an important conversation with your child/student, limit distractions and stay present in the conversation. This promotes mood regulation and identifying feelings
· No judgment: don’t overwhelm them with your opinions. If your child/student feels judged, they are not likely to open-up. Vulnerability occurs when they feel they are heard and safe in the conversation
· Manage emotions: teens typically do not give clear answers to specific questions. Especially when discussing a difficult topic. Remain calm and do not overreact. Communicate clearly about how you are feeling. This will give your child/student a label for the emotion. Teens will be less likely to opening-up to you again if your response is negative.
· Incorporate forgiveness: mistakes are going to happen, judgments are going to be off and this process takes time. Even adults struggle with identifying and trusting their emotions.
Helping your teen feel trusted will support their internal self-confidence and promote self-esteem. These are essential skills to assist the transition into adult relationships.
In therapy, at school, or in your home, be the safe space for your teen to open up without the threat of any negative responses. Encourage your teen to trust in themselves and allow them to be vulnerable. Without these skills, your teen may have a difficult time connecting to relationships that are personally and professionally fulfilling.
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