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Guiding Your Middle School Teen Into High School

Writer's picture: drjennifer_tauksdrjennifer_tauks

June typically represents graduation month. We celebrate and recognize our high school graduates as they begin their transition to college. Let’s not forget about our middle school graduates as they embark on this ambivalent time in their school life. It can be a time marked with feelings of anticipation, fear, excitement, intimidation, anxiety, and/or uncertainty. Your child may experience some of these feelings all at once-and this is not uncommon. Our teens may tell us one day that they can’t wait to leave middle school, that they can’t wait for their new freedom, and don’t want to be treated like babies anymore. But, the next day, come home feeling overwhelmed, nervous about planning for high school and scared about all of the decisions they are making about the upcoming year. As our middle school teens leave as being the oldest in the school building, they are faced with becoming the youngest in the school building, all while managing their physical, social, academic,

and emotional development.


The middle school years are also known as early adolescence. Between the ages of 10 to 15 years, our children embark on a significant transitional period in human development. They are at the intersection between childhood and young adulthood. As we reflect on when our children started middle school, how they looked physically, how they played with their friends, their thoughts about school, and how they navigated it, shows us remarkable changes in their growth and development as they leave. Middle school students are often betwixt and between with their developmental process. They aren’t little anymore, but they aren’t quite at the capacity of functioning independently. Although they may physically look mature, areas of executive functioning, decision-making skills, and emotional regulation still require time to grow and develop.


As parents, we can’t expect that these new transitions won’t come with bumps in the road. However, we can become aware of how their physical, biological, behavioral, emotional, and social development impacts their adjustment into high school. At this stage in development, teens typically use more complex thinking about their friends and home life. They begin to question authority, develop personal views on current events, think about or begin to make their own plans, be more susceptible to peer influences, and/or still have difficulty thinking through their actions and potential consequences. Here are some tips to help guide your teen and continue to build upon their developmental skills during this pivotal time.


Creating a predictable and consistent support system for our teens as they begin high school encourages a healthy physical, social, and emotional developmental process.


Parental Tips For Guiding Your Middle School Teen Into High School


· Establish an organized homework routine- discussing this early with your teen will help with their understanding of time management, high school academic expectation, and flexibility with their new routine

· Help your teen plan ahead-high school will also come with long-term assignments, sports, clubs, and social engagements. To increase their organizational skills, utilize calendars, agendas, and reminders Help them focus on short-term and long-term dates to assist with executive functioning.

· Encourage extracurricular activities-motivate your child to explore new social and academic interests. This helps to expand social circles, generate new interest, and demonstrates mastery over their developmental growth.

· Develop boundaries-boundaries for adolescents can create order and protection-physically and emotionally. Parental boundaries help our teens understand safety, self-worth, and a space to process their thoughts and decision. Teens aren't fully capable of making well-thought-out decisions and boundaries establish security when our teens can't do this for themselves.

· Create a sense of power-include your teen in your family discussion and decision-making. Navigating this together will improve your teen's skills with critical thinking, negation, flexibility, and adaptability. These skills are needed to build long-term resiliency.

· Re-Evaluate poor decisions together-emphasize we are all learning.

Promote healthy conversations instead of a forced punishment. These conversations will help your teen connect the areas where their decision was not thought out, developing better decisions in the future.

· Set goals-goal setting is a great way to empower your teen to increase self-determination and feel a sense of accomplishment-even through their hard-work

· Praise-communicate with your teen when they accomplish a goal or for a well-thought-out decision. They will internalize this compliment and want to continue to make better choicesthey are listening to you.


Remember, adolescence is one of the most rapid phases of human development. Although these changes happen quickly, your teen's timing and ability to develop these skills occur individually. Be patient with your teen. It is hard to control the pace of emotions and decisions during this fast-moving time.


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